Fear

Talk about the people, places and times that influence and inspire you.

Fear

Postby Tom on Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:56 am

I've been wondering about this for some time and I reckon i just figured it out.
I've always drawn. I never paid attention in class because I was doodling in the margins. I even didn't pay attention at work and doodled on what ever was handy.
I've been living off the good will of the government for a little while now and even though I only worked 3 days a week at my last job I'm not sure if I could face going to work again.
I don't want to be rich, I'm not even sure I want to be famous (I'd like to be but I don't think it's the driving force).
What drives me is fear. Fear of the ordinary, day to day grind of worker day life. Fear of not being able to draw. I am hard working. But only at things I consider worth while. And seeing as I don't really like money I can't bite the bullet and get the old 9 to 5.
So that's it folks, fear! Fear is what drives me.
User avatar
Tom
Science Hero
 
Posts: 694
Joined: Fri May 26, 2006 9:05 pm
Location: Canberra

Postby bluetoaster on Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:56 am

Ooooh, now - I think you've touched on it Tom. That's pretty much me to a major degree.

While I work a day job now & draw every chance I get (with the romantic hope of leaving my day-job), I fear being 60 and being in this same position.

It's as though I've found 'it' (ie. publishing/drawing/writing) - but need to make something of 'it' in order to rid myself of the ball-&-chain of my day-job that provides me money for rent/food.

It's the 'fear' of not having money to live.

I've quite honestly said to my friends, that the only reason I buy a lotto ticket each week, is so i quit my job and have money for food & shelter ( a simple life ) and just do my books for the rest of my life. I don't want to buy houses or sports cars. I just want to work on my books full time as see where it takes me.

.
User avatar
bluetoaster
Master of Time
 
Posts: 933
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2005 8:22 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Postby Harbenger on Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:48 pm

My second biggest fear is that I'm not achieving my full potential in life with the skills I have, my biggest fear is that I will die with this same feeling.
Theres a car that drives around the streets where I live with a bumper stiker that says "Justify Your Existsence", now normally I think bumper stickers are the lamest thing ever invented, but this one really hits home.

I'm the sort of guy who would be happy with 2 milk crates and a plank of wood for a coffee table, so money isn't the issue, I guess I would like to make a difference in at least one persons life.
Image
User avatar
Harbenger
Hero
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2005 10:04 pm
Location: Perth WA

Postby JasonFranks on Thu Apr 10, 2008 3:45 pm

I was just thinking about this...

I like to make stuff.

I have a day job I really enjoy and a reasonable wage (all subject to change at any time). I make stuff in my job, and I like that, but I like making stories more. I've always doen it and I always will... but what I really want is an audience.

I'm not a performer. I don't need or want to be in the limelight. I play guitar, but I do that at home in private; I care to be seen or heard doing it--but I do want people to read my stories. I have tons of stories in my head, more than I can write or produce by myself. If there's one thing I dislike about having a day job, it's the time it takes away from my writing.

So I guess what I want is to be some kind of storyteller. Doesn't have to be comics or prose (although those are my two favourite media to work in presently), but I just want to tell stories.

-- JF
JasonFranks
Super Genius
 
Posts: 358
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2005 2:09 am
Location: Melbourne, VIC

Postby Tom on Thu Apr 10, 2008 5:18 pm

I was wondering if anybody felt the same and it looks like I'm not alone.
We all seem to share a passion and are terrified that in one way or another we won't be able to do it.
Cheers guys, It heartens me to read your responses.
User avatar
Tom
Science Hero
 
Posts: 694
Joined: Fri May 26, 2006 9:05 pm
Location: Canberra

Re: Fear

Postby Paul Bedford on Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:55 pm

Tom wrote:Fear is what drives me.


But what if the fear were to go, Tom? What if you achived the life you wanted? Would the absence of fear destroy your creative drive...?

Something to ponder.

Paul.
Seek the Wolf in thyself!

the-list.com.au
User avatar
Paul Bedford
Science Hero
 
Posts: 760
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 5:31 pm
Location: Melbourne.

Postby Tom on Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:51 pm

Indeed.
I don't know what I'd do if i succeeded. What would drive me then? Money? Fear that I might fall from the spotlight?
You put forward an interesting conundrum, mr Bedford. I'll let you know when I hit the big time. :p
User avatar
Tom
Science Hero
 
Posts: 694
Joined: Fri May 26, 2006 9:05 pm
Location: Canberra

Postby mike nason on Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:24 am

Hi guys...

A resent unfortunate experience with the last project I had brought to the forefront of my mind some of the same thoughts as have been expressed above.

whenever I've tried to make money of my "art" I've always been ripped of or in some way or another been shown a considerable lack of respect...not for my work so much...people always seem to get something out of it but never enough that they would actually part with any money for it...and because I have invested so much of my self in my work I have a hard time not taking that personally.

so there is a constant fear of rejection there with any new project.

I always get over it (eventually) but it can wear you down...

it's made me reconsider my whole approach to doing comics.

why do I bother...why does anyone...but of course I know the answer to that.

simply put, it's who I am.

but fear is very closely linked to "worry" and "expectations"...I guess they go hand in hand.

what if I never make it...do I have that potential within me...what if I do make it ...what then ( as Bluetoaster pointed out to Tom)?

will it be what I wanted, will I be satisfied?

it's a mixed bag to be sure...some people "make it" early on in the game and may forgo some of the hardships that a "late bloomer" may experience...but then again they may simply have to learn the same lessons at a later stage in their career....like not having a long one because they get into it to young and make bad career choices...who knows, there are as many variations as there are artists and writers out there...

a few things I have learnt:

follow your first instinct...it'll be a better bet than second guessing yourself

sometimes when we ask questions it's because we are trying to avoid the answer that we already know, but that we don't like and are effectively looking for a "second opinion" as a form of denial.

If you feel lost along the way you might be wondering "what's the right thing to do because I don't want to make the wrong choice" but no one can tel you what's right for you (because no one can see into your future) , the best thing you can do is to simply make a choice and see where that leads you

and make adjustments along the way....there is always more than one road that will take you to wherever you are "meant to be"....


in short: we create our own reality around us...it will be positive or negative depending on what we bring to the table...our own expectations and self criticisms and what we project of that to others

as creative people we tend to be keen observers of our environments but like all people we filter what we see through our preconceived ideas of ourselves and "reality" and they don't always line up all that accurately


sorry, I can't help but ramble on...

cheers.
*...this is the emergency broadcasting system...please stay tuned for further instructions...*
mike nason
Superhero
 
Posts: 181
Joined: Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:50 pm

Postby rumpusroomie on Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:06 am

Hey Mike, even your ramblings are well thought out.

It's frustrating when you get bitchslapped around for your effort, sounds like you gained at least knowledge about yourself out of the pain.
User avatar
rumpusroomie
Master of Time
 
Posts: 978
Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2005 6:24 pm
Location: Melbourne

Re: Fear

Postby bluetoaster on Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:47 pm

I think at the very 'least' (as I touched on in my earlier post) - the fear of losing what you have already gained (or been 'cursed' with - whatever way you wish to view it... (ala) your means of survival, like your job) is a fundamental concern.

We'd like to roll-the-dice (or continue to do roll it after something hasn't panned out, as Michael mentioned when certain work doesn't reward you as you hoped, so you want to get better of experiment in a different direction) - but how to get rid of the time-sapping necessity of what has been 'foist' upon us so early in our youth (ie: the job).

It's a ball & chain.

Oh, and as for Paul's comment of:
Paul Bedford wrote:But what if the fear were to go, Tom? What if you achived the life you wanted? Would the absence of fear destroy your creative drive...?

Something to ponder.

Paul.

I think then you'd have the fear of losing 'that' support structure to replace your original fear. ie) You fear losing your new paradise, and are energised to protect/foster it?

I suspect it's what a new parent feels.

But... could just be my take on it.
Everyone sees it differently.

.
User avatar
bluetoaster
Master of Time
 
Posts: 933
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2005 8:22 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Postby mike nason on Mon Apr 21, 2008 9:22 pm

Oh, and as for Paul's comment of:
Paul Bedford wrote:
But what if the fear were to go, Tom? What if you achived the life you wanted? Would the absence of fear destroy your creative drive...?

Something to ponder.

Paul.

I think then you'd have the fear of losing 'that' support structure to replace your original fear. ie) You fear losing your new paradise, and are energised to protect/foster it?

I suspect it's what a new parent feels.

But... could just be my take on it.
Everyone sees it differently.


I'd argue (as I am so fond of doing..specifically/nonspecific to the point) that fear as a motivator in any regard -although hard to get away from as we are taught that it is "hard wired" into us so we (general terms) believe this to be an accurate representation of "common shared reality"- is ultimately not a desired modus operandi.

you may or may not be familiar with the quote " perfect love casts out all fear"?

the less love you get as a "youngling" the less you give (and ultimately the more you will want/need as you go on)...until you consider the "chicken and the egg" conundrum and realize that "karma" is a "cause and effect" principle that you can step out from and start operating as "the first cause" instead of always acting out the "effect"...inactive vs proactive or something like that.

hey, ya like all my mixed metaphors?

there is another quote : "know thyself"

we are all conditioned from birth (right or wrong) to believe/see/understand/think in "established and accepted" ways...

personally I think this "inprinting" has grown stronger, or at the very least has been kept at a stable level for society in general the further along this path of "progress" we have traveled collectively speaking (it would be arrogant to assume that we have it any harder than previous generations, no matter how far back you go...pain and hardship is undoubtedly the same experience today as it was 100/1000 years ago).

it cant be denied (correct me if I'm wrong) that thinking for yourself -and by that I mean totally independently of "the system"- is considered a taboo (by the system/establishment) because ultimately that independent thought, if it us "true" leads you not only to think radically differently but also if followed to it's logical conclusion (form follows function in this case) to ACT differently thereby setting yourself up as a legitimate enemy to the system/state/whatever...

dangerous thoughts I know but that's what independent thought will do...it leads you to stray from the path...away from the rest of the sheep (who incidentally just happen to be on the road to the slaughterhouse...the ultimate fate for all sheep if you think about it...maybe that's why people are called sheep because from the very beginning our fate has been sealed...)

Hey, and I'm not even depressed at the moment so....

"lighten up Mike, what are ya a prophet of DOOM or something?!"

well, we all have a cross to bare (so to speak...)

I can't help it...I'm on a metaphoric roll...

LOL
*...this is the emergency broadcasting system...please stay tuned for further instructions...*
mike nason
Superhero
 
Posts: 181
Joined: Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:50 pm

Postby Paul Bedford on Tue Apr 22, 2008 6:08 am

mike nason wrote:
Oh, and as for Paul's comment of:
Paul Bedford wrote:
But what if the fear were to go, Tom? What if you achived the life you wanted? Would the absence of fear destroy your creative drive...?

Something to ponder.

Paul.

I think then you'd have the fear of losing 'that' support structure to replace your original fear. ie) You fear losing your new paradise, and are energised to protect/foster it?

I suspect it's what a new parent feels.

But... could just be my take on it.
Everyone sees it differently.


I'd argue (as I am so fond of doing..specifically/nonspecific to the point) that fear as a motivator in any regard -although hard to get away from as we are taught that it is "hard wired" into us so we (general terms) believe this to be an accurate representation of "common shared reality"- is ultimately not a desired modus operandi.

you may or may not be familiar with the quote " perfect love casts out all fear"?

the less love you get as a "youngling" the less you give (and ultimately the more you will want/need as you go on)...until you consider the "chicken and the egg" conundrum and realize that "karma" is a "cause and effect" principle that you can step out from and start operating as "the first cause" instead of always acting out the "effect"...inactive vs proactive or something like that.

hey, ya like all my mixed metaphors?

there is another quote : "know thyself"

we are all conditioned from birth (right or wrong) to believe/see/understand/think in "established and accepted" ways...

personally I think this "inprinting" has grown stronger, or at the very least has been kept at a stable level for society in general the further along this path of "progress" we have traveled collectively speaking (it would be arrogant to assume that we have it any harder than previous generations, no matter how far back you go...pain and hardship is undoubtedly the same experience today as it was 100/1000 years ago).

it cant be denied (correct me if I'm wrong) that thinking for yourself -and by that I mean totally independently of "the system"- is considered a taboo (by the system/establishment) because ultimately that independent thought, if it us "true" leads you not only to think radically differently but also if followed to it's logical conclusion (form follows function in this case) to ACT differently thereby setting yourself up as a legitimate enemy to the system/state/whatever...

dangerous thoughts I know but that's what independent thought will do...it leads you to stray from the path...away from the rest of the sheep (who incidentally just happen to be on the road to the slaughterhouse...the ultimate fate for all sheep if you think about it...maybe that's why people are called sheep because from the very beginning our fate has been sealed...)

Hey, and I'm not even depressed at the moment so....

"lighten up Mike, what are ya a prophet of DOOM or something?!"

well, we all have a cross to bare (so to speak...)

I can't help it...I'm on a metaphoric roll...

LOL


Mike. When do you get any drawing done...? ;)
Seek the Wolf in thyself!

the-list.com.au
User avatar
Paul Bedford
Science Hero
 
Posts: 760
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 5:31 pm
Location: Melbourne.

Postby bluetoaster on Tue Apr 22, 2008 1:04 pm

mike nason wrote:...personally I think this "inprinting" has grown stronger, or at the very least has been kept at a stable level for society in general the further along this path of "progress" we have traveled collectively speaking

Yep - that includes the 'imprinted' job that I was referring to. I watch commercials & current-affair shows supposedly looking out for kids by giving them opportunities to study careers like, law, IT, etc... and all I can think is, "Man, education just seems to be training kids for jobs, and not really 'teaching' them much at all."... but I suppose I'm looking at it from my 'biased' creative side.

mike nason wrote:...it cant be denied (correct me if I'm wrong) that thinking for yourself -and by that I mean totally independently of "the system"- is considered a taboo (by the system/establishment) because ultimately that independent thought, if it us "true" leads you not only to think radically differently but also if followed to it's logical conclusion (form follows function in this case) to ACT differently thereby setting yourself up as a legitimate enemy to the system/state/whatever...

True. But I see that very differently than the sheep/system does. They portray 'straying' from the flock to be akin to stepping off a cliff (thereby scaring you back into line), whereas I think the more you 'think' for yourself, the stronger you become... and the less (the system) can control you.

mike nason wrote:...dangerous thoughts I know but that's what independent thought will do...it leads you to stray from the path...away from the rest of the sheep (who incidentally just happen to be on the road to the slaughterhouse...the ultimate fate for all sheep if you think about it...maybe that's why people are called sheep because from the very beginning our fate has been sealed...)

Exactly why the thought of being 60 and arriving at the chopping block with the rest scares the shit out of me. I'd rather die with an axe over my head that I placed there myself.

mike nason wrote:Hey, and I'm not even depressed at the moment so....

"lighten up Mike, what are ya a prophet of DOOM or something?!"

well, we all have a cross to bare (so to speak...)

No, I don't think people talk of the whole picture nearly enough. So talking of the pros/cons of something is a form of cetainty (or clarity) for me.

Heh... I often get, "Oh, you think too much." (or some other conversation ender) when I offer opinions on topics that are being discussed, simply because i discuss another aspect or POV of the topic.

Anyway - back to work before Paul berates me for not doing any comics.

;)
User avatar
bluetoaster
Master of Time
 
Posts: 933
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2005 8:22 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Postby Tom on Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:23 am

It's funny, I never thought there was anything but independent though pretty much until i left art school. I lived in my own little deluded fantasy of thinking that everyone was where they wanted to be (except of course for the homeless, repressed, bombed, invaded etc).
I knew I never wanted to be part of the "mob" but it took me a long time to realise that not many of mob wanted to be there either.
This I think is when I developed my "fear", before I drew because I could. It never really hit home that I might not be able to.
I guess I have it easy. I know what I want and I'm stubborn. The mighty dollar is forever being shoved in our faces and most of us are too scared to say "no". Also many of us don't know what we want. That, I think is the biggest thing.
User avatar
Tom
Science Hero
 
Posts: 694
Joined: Fri May 26, 2006 9:05 pm
Location: Canberra

Postby mike nason on Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:05 am

Mike. When do you get any drawing done...? Wink


...well,between youtube and this form there is only so much time left...

....did I mention I love youtube?... :|>

{"youtube"...it's like research...only... fun!!!)
*...this is the emergency broadcasting system...please stay tuned for further instructions...*
mike nason
Superhero
 
Posts: 181
Joined: Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:50 pm

Next

Return to What Drives Me

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron